The Real “Fi”

Barry Tattle doesn’t give a damn about Wi-Fi. The only “Fi” that excites him is “Hi-Fi”. (And yes, Barry considers both the stereo and lady leg to be Hi-Fi…good thing they put a camera where they did or I would have had to report this image to the Scandal Society.)


No V-Neck For You, Sir!

The lady at my sausage commercial dress fitting thing looks at my crew-neck shirt, tells the other production team members maybe I’d be better off in a V-neck shirt so she comes over to me, pulls my crew-neck down a couple inches to get an idea of the potential V-neck look on me and comes face to face with a thick chestful of masculine vegetation that is dying to get a TV commercial credit. Her eyes can’t hold back the shock, she looks back at the other members of the production and team and struggles to verbalize her thoughts, “Oooo, yah, I think it’s uh, there’s probably too much, uhmm, I think we would have to take care of, uhhh…there’s a lot hair here. Maybe we should stick with the crew-neck.” This was followed by four crew members furiously nodding in agreement.


UPDATE: I just officially landed the role for $500 in that hot dog commercial! Drinks are on me! Just when you think you’re wasting your time shaving off your neck hair before an audition, a truck load of success crashes into you on the highway of life.

Envy My Career

While all you suckers have been spending years building a top-shelf resume, I’ve spent those same years building a Google search result for my name that will obliterate any chance at a respectable job again.

That said, I just received a phone call letting me I’ve been placed on hold to possibly film a hot dog commercial next week for $500!! S#*t is finally coming together!!