If I was a motivational speaker, I would get on stage and say, “Set the bar low. Easily achieve everything you said would. Kiss somebody’s face. Develop a laugh that scares children but excites adults. Feel great.” and then I would wrap Flag Day gifts for the next 45 minutes onstage in complete silence.
Corning Community College in Corning, NY…I want to thank you deeply for mailing me a personalized invitation to your “Reflections” Gala Award, a night celebrating outstanding alumni with a Social Hour and Tapas Dining at 5:00 PM and Awards Ceremony at 6:00 PM. Even though I never went to your institution, don’t know anyone that did, and never heard of your institution until 40 minutes ago, it didn’t stop you from inviting me to an event that is intended for the privileged few that studied among your halls of intellectual betterment. I hope you like neon salmon-colored dresses and guests that arrive by jet pack because I intend to spare no expense at this celebration.